I Botched a Live Radio Show

It was my second full-length radio show with Jill Nicolini – my first on camera, and my first where I was 100% in charge of the script.  I felt great going into it.  The first show flowed really well, and I had high expectations of how the second would go.

Turns out – my expectations did not live up to reality.  I stumbled over my words.  There were awkward pauses.  At one point, I was sure I confused the heck out of Jill.

As we closed down, I had that downer feeling of “well that didn’t go very well.”  My daughter was on her way home for our last summer hurrah.  I couldn’t shake my disappointed feeling, which kept me from being present with her for our special time.

Yet – I didn’t beat myself up for it.  This is what I learned as I processed in the hours after.

1 – I checked my self-talk

Never did I make it a personal attack on me – things like “I’m a failure” or “that was dumb.”  I kept it focused on the behavior.  The thoughts running through my head were “man, that didn’t feel good.  I’d like to do better next time.” 

While it’s not healthy for the thoughts to stay forever, I didn’t want to bypass the experience, either.  I let them live there for a few hours, knowing that was my truth in that moment.

2 – I fell back to my belief systems

I no longer believe that anything is a failure – I look at it as feedback.  Was it painful?  Yes.  But pain doesn’t have to mean failure.  Failure is a human judgment.  To my soul, that was simply an experience.

I also believe that life is happening for me, not to me. Every experience is moving me in the direction of my best self.  Sometimes, our better selves come out of hard experiences.  I see the hard experience as breaking off part of an old shell, allowing more of the expanded me to come out.

3 – I got it out

Once I returned from my time with my daughter, I excused myself to journal and feel.

I experience my uncomfortable feelings as a mix of thoughts and emotions.  How I’ve found best for me to move past them is to let them express.  I journal anything that comes to mind, without judgment.  And I let myself feel the sadness, anger, or whatever else is inside.

If you’re not a journaler, talking about them helps, too.  The important thing is to get them out of your head; running the thoughts over and over doesn’t help.  Thoughts are like kids – they want to be heard.

4 – I found the truth

At the kids’ swimming lessons, I received the boost I needed.  Someone had on a t-shirt that said, “I flow through transformation.  I flow with every phase.”  That reminded me: I am in a transformation right now.  I am stepping into a new role, into a new skill.  I am hitting the edges of my comfort zone.  That can be uncomfortable.  There are growing pains.  That’s normal.

And then I realized – I am pretty darn courageous for going here.  Most people don’t have the guts to walk near their edges and try something new.  I am doing it, and I’m going to keep doing it.

5 – I planned some adjustments

I know that once I am in a more clear head space is when I can reflect and plan changes.  I don’t like to do that when I am still consumed by the tough feelings, as my body is still in Fight/Flight mode.

From here, I planned some adjustments which I feel will help my next session (scheduled for September 12) flow better. 

– To sum them all up –

When something happens that doesn’t feel good, our first instinct is to beat ourselves up, and / or mentally analyze the situation.  Yet what I learned is that neither of those are productive.  Since “feeling bad” is in our bodies, it’s more helpful to find a way to move the energy through the body.  It can be doing something similar to what I did (journal and feel), or something more physical, like exercise. 

Doing so helps get you to a point of clarity, where you can see the truth.  You can see the lesson.  You can have a clear head to adjust for next time.

It took me a day to have the guts to listen to my episode.  As I did, I realized it wasn’t nearly the dumpster fire I thought it would be. 

It’s funny how our minds can play tricks on us. Turns out, they edited out the awkward pauses, and I was more coherent than I remember being. 

Would I still do things differently?  Sure.  But I learned something new that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise.  And I know the result will be better than had I not gone through this.

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If you’re curious, you can listen to it (it’s Episode 2 – where our reactions come from) and all other episodes here.

And if you’re looking to build up your resiliancy muscle – grab a coffee at the link below!  Let’s talk more about what that might look like for you.